Why Showing Up Online Feels So Hard (And How to Change It)
In the summer of 2024, I made the decision to serialize my memoir, Lonely Girl, on Substack.
I knew that if I wanted the launch to be successful, I’d need to market it — especially on the platforms where the majority of my audience lives: Instagram and TikTok.
So for the entire month of July, I posted one to two times every day across Instagram, TikTok, and Substack.
These weren’t just simple posts, either. They were long-form, emotionally raw, and often pulled directly from the themes in the book: loneliness, longing, and identity.
Creating and publishing these pieces felt intense. It required time, creativity, and an enormous amount of vulnerability. I felt exposed and exhausted. But I kept going, not because of a niche or strategy, but because I had a reason. I believed in what I was creating. I believed the story mattered. And that belief gave me something to return to every time I felt like quitting.
Honestly, I don’t think I would’ve made it otherwise. And that’s the truth behind so many people who struggle to stay consistent fail to realize: It’s not about discipline or a lack of motivation. It’s about purpose.
TL;DR – Key Takeaways
You don’t need a niche to grow online, you need a purpose.
Most people fall off not because they lack discipline, but because they’re not anchored in something meaningful.
Posting consistently can feel vulnerable and cringey, having a purpose is what makes it worth it.
Your mind will try to sabotage you with fear disguised as logic.
The answer won’t come through thought — but through stillness, listening, and noticing what quietly calls you.
Purpose is builds momentum. Not speed.
Your purpose will change over time. That’s not a flaw, it’s a byproduct of growth.
The Real Problem Isn’t Discipline, It’s Vulnerability
The biggest reason most people struggle to post consistently online? It’s not time. It’s not strategy. It’s not even creativity. It’s vulnerability.
Maybe this sounds familiar: you start posting, and the first week goes great. Engagement is high, people are responding, it all feels exciting. Then week two hits. Week three. Week four. Engagement dips. The novelty wears off. Your face isn’t new anymore. You become just another person in the scroll. And that’s when the doubt creeps in.
That’s when your mind starts whispering:
“Maybe I don't need to do this.”
“Maybe this is just embarrassing.”
“Maybe it’s not worth it.”
The process begins to feel cringey. You start to question everything. And the voice in your head becomes so loud and convincing that stopping starts to seem like the only logical move.
But the truth is: it’s not logic, it’s fear. Fear of being seen, judged, and of staying visible when you’re no longer getting applause.
And if you're not anchored in something deeper — something you actually care about — it just won’t feel worth it. Not to your nervous system. Not to your soul. That’s why so many people fall off after a few weeks. Because consistency without purpose is a deeply fragile thing.
Why Purpose Is Stronger Than Any Niche
The only real antidote to the vulnerability hangover is purpose. And rest assured, I don’t mean a perfectly worded mission statement or a polished personal brand tagline. I mean something that matters to you. Something that feels not just important, but essential.
That’s what my book feels like to me.
The reason I felt compelled to share Lonely Girl with the world has never been entirely logical. It’s not something I can fully explain or reduce to bullet points. It’s just a knowing. A quiet voice inside that says: you have to do this.
That’s the kind of thing that keeps you grounded when your mind gets loud, or when your engagement drops, or when the algorithm ignores you. When you start doubting whether anyone cares. Purpose is what steadies you. It’s what makes it worth it to keep going when your mind is screaming at you to stop.
There are endless strategies out there for how to “find your purpose,” but I don’t think it’s something that can be discovered through a checklist. What I can offer instead is what’s helped me, and what I’ve seen help my clients: slowing down enough to hear yourself, paying attention to what keeps tugging at you, and having the courage to follow through on what you can’t stop thinking about.
How to Find Your Purpose (Hint: Your Mind Won’t Lead You There)
The first thing you need to know is this: your mind will try to outsmart you. Not because it’s broken — but because it’s trying to protect you. It wants safety, predictability, and control. And so it will offer you all kinds of convincing reasons not to do the thing you’re secretly longing to do.
It will say:
“That’s not practical.”
“That’s already been done.”
“That’s not what people want.”
But those thoughts are simply fear in disguise.
So if you want to find your purpose, you have to go beneath the thoughts. You have to create stillness, not for the sake of meditation or aesthetics, but because it’s the only way to hear what life is already trying to tell you.
How to Listen for Your Purpose (Without Forcing It)
Stillness doesn’t have to be a grand spiritual practice. You don’t need to book a retreat or download a meditation app. In fact, some of the most powerful clarity comes from the simplest practices—the ones that invite you to pause just long enough to hear yourself.
Here’s how to begin:
Write down a question that matters to you. Something like: “What am I really craving right now?” or “What do I want to give myself permission to care about?” Let it be open-ended. Let it be honest.
Close your eyes. Breathe. Get still. No pressure to "clear your mind" or do it perfectly. Just sit with the question and let your body settle.
Don’t force the answer. The mind will want to jump in. That’s okay. Let the thoughts come and go, but don’t chase them. You’re not looking for a loud insight, you’re waiting for something steadier.
Listen for the voice beneath the noise.
What you’re listening for won’t be:
Loud
Emotionally charged
Urgent or impulsive
Instead, it will likely feel:
Quiet
Grounded
Calm and certain, even if inconvenient
If nothing comes, try again later. The point isn’t to “get it right” the first time. The point is to create space. Purpose doesn’t arrive on command. But when you make room for it, it almost always shows up.
This quiet knowing is your most trustworthy guide. It’s not trying to impress anyone. It’s not chasing approval. It’s just telling the truth you need to hear.
When You Act on Purpose, Everything Changes
The more you practice listening to yourself, the better you’ll get at recognizing what truly matters to you.
And once you know, the next step is to act.
Not with urgency or pressure or the frantic impulse to keep up. But slowly, deliberately, and step by step.
You stop asking, “What will grow the fastest?” and start asking, “What will be worth it in the end?”
That’s how momentum is built: not from speed, but from alignment.
When you begin living in accordance with what is meaningful to you, the work doesn’t necessarily get easier, but it does begin to flow better.
There’s less internal resistance. Less second-guessing.
You’re no longer working against yourself.
You’re moving with yourself, in the direction of something that matters.
I think back to that July in 2024, when I was writing and posting every day to launch Lonely Girl. I was pouring hours into content, writing late into the night, stretching myself creatively. But strangely, it didn’t feel hard. It felt necessary. It felt like what was required. And because I believed in what I was creating, I didn’t question how much effort I was putting in, or how well it was getting rewarded by the algorithm. I just kept showing up.
That’s what working in alignment feels like.
It’s not ease in the sense of comfort, its ease in the sense of clarity. You stop fighting yourself. You stop searching for shortcuts. You just begin. And it always feels right.
Your Purpose Will Change (And Why That’s a Good Thing)
One of the most important truths about purpose is this: It will change.
What matters to you today might not matter in the same way a year from now, or five years from now. That doesn’t mean you’re flaky or lost. It means you’re human.
Our purpose shifts with us. You’re not meant to pledge allegiance to a single idea of success forever. You’re meant to tune in, again and again, and notice what’s calling you now, then give yourself to that while it’s still yours to hold.
Here’s what becomes possible when you allow your purpose to evolve:
You stop forcing a fixed identity. You’re no longer trapped in a version of yourself you outgrew just to stay “on brand.”
You start trusting the timing of your life. Instead of panicking when things shift, you recognize it as part of the natural rhythm of becoming.
You allow joy, curiosity, and intuition to lead. You stop building your life around what looks impressive and start following what feels real.
You reclaim your definition of success. Not what your industry says. Not what the algorithm says. What you say.
You begin to build a life that’s unmistakably yours. A life that reflects your values, your voice, your seasons.
Ready to Stay Consistent Online Without Choosing a Niche?
If this post resonates with you, I want to invite you into something special: PBA Summer School — a 3-month creative sprint where you choose one meaningful project and give it your full attention.
It doesn’t matter if you’re launching a Substack, starting a podcast, designing a product, or simply trying to post more consistently online.
What matters is that it’s something you care about.
Inside Summer School, we’ll help you plan, stay accountable, and build momentum — without burning out or trying to be someone you’re not. Because when you create from purpose, everything else follows.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I really need a niche to grow online?
No. While niches can be helpful in certain business models, what matters more than a niche is purpose. If you’re clear about what you care about and why it matters, people will resonate — even if your content spans multiple themes.
What if I don’t know what my purpose is?
You’re not alone. Start by creating stillness. Pay attention to what pulls at you, what keeps resurfacing, and what you’d do even if no one was watching. Purpose isn’t found through logic, it’s uncovered through paying attention.
How do I stay consistent when I feel discouraged?
Anchor yourself in what matters. Don’t rely on motivation. Rely on meaning. And surround yourself with a container (like PBA Summer School) that can hold you accountable with gentleness, not pressure.
Can I build an audience without being an expert?
Absolutely. People connect to story more than expertise. Your honesty, your journey, and your willingness to share what you’re learning are often more compelling than perfect answers.
